i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
