Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
