I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
