AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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