He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
