I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
