is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
this will be a night to untag.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This is my life. Enjoy the view
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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