where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
