Tell her she can't have a vagina
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
