dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
