i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
