no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
