Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
