i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
