I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
