sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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