how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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