Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
