batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
