Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
