do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
