I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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