the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
