Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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