Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
