question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
