If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
