Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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