Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry about my life...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
