Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
