We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We left the knife in your bed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
