Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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