Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
