The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
