____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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