it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
