Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
