I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
