I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
