are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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