That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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