How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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