Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
