I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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