guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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