It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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