marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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