i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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