It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
