She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i think my cat just said my name.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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