Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
