she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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