I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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